Sunday, 31 January 2010


Well I'm all for these fantastic challenges that are out there in blog land at the moment, documenting the world as we see it, whether it be monthly, bi-monthly, daily etc.  I've been on with quite a few of them, one of them though really hit a cord this month and I didn't realise until afterwards that I actually didn't want to do it.  The idea was to advise your younger self and obviously the idea is to give yourself a bit of friendly advice, you know the idea - using the advice means that the long and difficult learning curve can be avoided. 
Now on any other day it would have made me think of light subjects, fun things that would be fun to do, but when I read the topic the only thing that really stuck in my head was preventing my Dad's death - now how on earth could I do that, would the advice prevent it, or make it worse, would it have happened regardless, how could I do it, would it have eaten my life up trying to prevent it - I went around and around and around in circles to the point where the page in question ended up in pockets - did I want to give that advice no I didn't - why because I can't actually change it!  

I believe in the butterfly effect - you know the one where the flap of the wings causes a hurricane elsewhere so the thought of changing something like that would have far reaching life changing results
So this is the aftermath of what became 'too painful a subject'
I've even fought with this page - I should have realised then, this one has layers and layers and layers of paint, and paper and ink and black paint and fabric and stamping and - well you get the idea!   
So many of you may think why wouldn't I want to prevent such a life altering situation - well I would, I'd give anything to change that one instance in my life, but and this is the big but what would my life look like now?  I met my husband when I was only 17 and he was related to what was then my Mum's boyfriend (now my Mum's husband), so without my husband I would be without my child and honestly and truly I couldn't live without either of them.  Therefore I'm not happy to wishful think 'if only's' or 'what if's' and this particular learning curve - well some subjects should be left alone!  
Now don't get me wrong I love to journal difficult phases of my life and I'm quite happy to dream about what I'd do if we won the lottery but wishful thinking of what has gone before just doesn't float my boat -next time I'll leave the subject alone when it strikes the wrong cord!  
No matter what you can't actually change your past


  1. Wrestling with tough stuff like this is hard Virginia. Worst thing is you have to process it by yourself because no-one else can help with the gunk that goes on your own head! Is it true that 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'? I read that somewhere but it seems a bit flippant at times, although I'm sure there's some truth in it.
    Big Hug x

  2. Hey chickie, cool page and cool response. I too agree with you can,t change and you can,t regret. My life is real tough at the moment and although I cant and dont want to change any of it, I am learning to alter my perception of it. That is the part I can control, how I go onwards. Life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain. See you at the weekend babe. xx

  3. I saw that prompt Virginia and had the exact same response about my Mum. Could I have spotted the signs earlier, how long had she been ill before we realised, could I have dragged her for tests, got her better doctors, gone for second opinions... it does us no good tearing our heart to pieces about it. They wouldn't want that either.

    I totally believe in the butterfly effect - I was talking to my OH about telling my younger self to stay away from certain people in my life but if I had, I certainly wouldn't have my eldest, I wouldn't set off the chain of events that led me to Craig who I do truly believe is 'the one' and our paths would never have crossed in the usual day to day. No, definitely move forward always.

    This is a powerful page. Really powerful.